Haydon Bridge has been listening to some of the messages left by the thousands of guys who use phone lines found at the back of magazines. This is what he heard…
There’s a 24-year-old skinhead who’s home alone and wants it. “Wanna give it to me? Cheers.” Then there’s Mark, 34, good-looking with blue eyes, who’s just come home after a night out. “I’m feeling rather randy and am looking to get it on tonight.”
Or what about Jake? He’s a good-looking lad with dark hair, brown eyes, strong thighs, arms and shoulders, who absolutely loves lads in trainers and sportswear. But maybe this is the one for you. He’s 29, blond, good-looking and he’s up for a hot date. “I wanna meet now. I’m in a hotel. Get back to me.”
These may sound like porn movie scenarios. But no. This is real life. All of the above are voice messages left recently on several of a whole bunch of phone lines that you’ve probably noticed at the back of many magazines. In last month’s Raunch Pad I complained about the decline of the obscene phone call. I claimed that talking dirty over the phone has been superseded by texting and messaging dirty. It’s certainly a trend. But it doesn’t seem to have affected the popularity of chat lines. And that popularity is by no means in decline.
“EVERY EVENING THERE ARE AN AVERAGE ONE THOUSAND GUYS WAITING FOR YOUR CALL TO QX CHAT”
Every evening there are several hundred guys waiting for your call on any of these services. When you add all the chat lines together, you’re talking tens of thousands of potential contacts 365 days a year. Never used the phone to get your rocks off? It can be easier than trying to contact the right person on a customer helpline. Let me take you through the process.
Call the number. When you get through, you’ll be given the opportunity to talk to guys from your area. Most services cover the whole of the UK. If you want the excitement of waiting for someone to call you back, go to Mail Boxes and listen to the messages that guys have left. You can skip quickly from one to another until you hear one that floats your boat.
Then you can reply to it and leave your phone number. What are you up for? Casual sex? Press 3. Darren’s 35, open-minded, looking for an older bloke to have loads of fun with. “You won’t be disappointed.” But if the time’s come for a long-term relationship, press 2. Rocco, 46, would consider one. “Being gay is just one aspect of what I’m about.”
Then again you might be in the mood for a horny chat. Choose “Talk to Callers.” You’ll get ten seconds to describe yourself and what you’re into, then you can listen to messages from guys who are online now. “Hi. Ben, south coast, looking for dirty horny chat. Unshockable. Get back to me.” On to the next one. “Horny geezer wants broadminded chat about life in institutions.” You can either leave a message or request a 1-2-1 chat right now in which case you might find yourself suddenly talking live to the guy you liked the sound of.
While I was skipping from message to message, “Tracey, gorgeous TV, likes strong, older men” tried to contact me. Well, unfortunately I had to finish this article.
What’s the appeal of old-fashioned voice contact? We spoke to one phone line owner, and he thinks he has the answer. “You can tell so much from a person’s voice,” he says. “Text and e-mail are open to misunderstanding. There’s no emotion, no character. There’s so much more communication when you talk to someone. Your judgment is based on real human interaction.” (Horny chat might be enough for you, but sometimes you might want to meet the man at the end of the line face-to-face. Please heed the warning preamble and tell a friend where you’re going).
A more traditional way of hooking up is by using printed adverts such as QXMEN’s Queer Contacts pages. They’re like the Lonely Hearts ads of old except that nowadays the initial contact is done by phone.
You ring one number to place a free ad. If you want to reply to an ad, you ring another number, then tap in an individual box number to leave a message. Right now I’m looking at the usual double-page spread of Queer Contacts and all human gay life seems to be there. There’s everyone from a 24-year-old in Glasgow to a 72-year-old in North London. There are white, black and Asian guys, TVs, scallies, city gents and couples. An honest, affectionate M, 29, wants an intimate, loving relationship.
But others want everything from “caning and the slipper”, through leather and rubber to “farts, brown and yellow fun.” This is traditionally where those with a specialist interest hang out.
How many of these advertisers get what they want? There was only one way to find out. I called half a dozen guys and asked them to ring me if they’d like to talk about their experiences.
A couple of people phoned back. I had a good chat with Garrett, 27, from Welwyn Garden City, Herts., who likes to film his sex sessions and then have sex again when he plays them back. He’s used Queer Contacts for a long time. “It’s very specific what I like,” he told me. “There’s not much chance of meeting someone else who’s into the same thing unless I advertise.” What’s the response been like? “This last time, it’s been fantastic. I got a call from a guy who lives nowhere near me, down in Bournemouth. But we were on the phone for about an hour because he’s got a camera as well and he does the same thing I do.
“He told me to go on to his Facebook page. As soon as I saw his photo I said, ‘We’ve got to meet.’ He’s older than me but so fit I couldn’t believe it.” Did they have sex over the phone? “I told him I had my cock out. He said, ‘So have I.’ So we’re both wanking and I lasted about 30 seconds because I was looking at his picture and imagining filming him wanking and that was it.” Have they met? “We still haven’t got it together because I work all week and he works weekends. But I’m fucking gagging for it now. We’re on the phone to each other all the time.” At the time of going to press, Garrett and his would-be co-star were due to get together for Christmas.
It all goes to show what might happen just by picking up the phone.
