In last month’s QXMEN I went in search of huge penises and came to the conclusion that claims of 10” or more tend to be exaggerations. This month I’ve found somebody who doesn’t exaggerate. But I’m going to keep you waiting a bit longer for the details.
Firstly let’s summarise what we’ve already learned. Basically almost nothing’s as big as we’ve been led to believe.
The average penis is less than 6” (15cm) long and there’s never ever been a bigger one than 13.5” (34.3cm). The gents whose pictures we used last month and here certainly have nothing to be ashamed of.
But do you notice how they’re photographed from below? This old trick makes cocks look bigger.
The best-known website for size queens is the Large Penis Support Group (www.lpsg.org). But its members (quiet at the back!) are always accusing each other of lying and photoshopping. A more honest site is www.erectionphotos.com, whose webmaster is a retired university Professor.
Lots of ordinary blokes send the Prof their cock shots and they make a refreshing change from the pumped-up porno packages we’re used to.
An 85-year-old is the oldest man I’ve seen with a hard-on. (He also sent in nude photos of himself when he was 27). Like many of the other guys on the site, his 5.5” (14cm) erection is officially below average. But mostly you don’t look at them and think, “Hmmm. Below average.” (You think, “Hmmm. Not bad.”)
There are probably hundreds of photos on dozens of pages and the biggest erection by far is 9” (22.9cm). It just so happens to belong to a black man. (But let’s not get into racial stereotyping. We also learned last month that the average black penis is only fractionally above 6”).
“WHEN I SPREAD THE WORD THAT I WAS WRITING THESE ARTICLES, SOMEBODY TOLD ME THAT HE KNEW SOMEBODY WHO KNEW SOMEBODY WHO WAS PACKING 13 INCHES.”
When I spread the word that I was writing these articles, somebody told me that he knew somebody who knew somebody who was packing 13”. This is how big cock rumours begin. Unsurprisingly Mr Big was unwilling to be interviewed or photographed let alone measured. Meanwhile on Gaytube, I found someone calling himself “Mr Big Cock.”
This line of enquiry ended when he proudly produced a tape measure. Don’t misunderstand me. It’s big enough. But it’s “only” 7.5” (19.1cm). Then I heard about “Jack.” A mutual friend assured me, “It’s enormous.” I didn’t expect Jack to want to chat. But he said yes. His story is worth telling not only because he’s had a sex-packed career as a houseboy, but because he’s one of the few who’ll admit that having a 10” (25.4cm) prick isn’t necessarily the answer to all your problems.
Jack is a well-preserved 48, slight but dapper. He arrives for our interview in a suit he wears for his London office job and I can imagine that you could walk past him in the street and never guess that guys queue up to be fucked with his ten inch pole.
He talks a lot about shyness and never looks me in the eye once all the time we’re talking. That shyness, he tells me, dates back to his time at a boys’ school in the north of England. “While we were changing I tried not to look at other blokes, didn’t particularly want them to see me. It was always done hurriedly with me facing the wall so they could see my arse but they couldn’t see my cock.
There were occasional furtive glances but I never thought of me or them as being particularly big or small.” He was unsure of his sexuality and struggled to have sex with girls. “They’d seen me naked but they didn’t comment on my size. I just thought, well, I’m average. You didn’t see porn as much as you do now so I had no one to compare myself to. Because I was a fairly shy individual I was attracted to fairly introverted women. They did say, ‘You’re hurting me, be more gentle.’ But I thought that was because of my inexperience.”
At the age of 20, Jack realised he was gay and came to London to make the most of it. He answered an ad for a houseboy in the now defunct listings magazine, City Limits. “It took a huge leap of confidence to answer the ad but when I went round and met the guy, I knew that this was what I wanted to do.
He said get yourself hard and that was the first time I’d masturbated in front of another guy. I’d only had straight sex. He was fantastically good looking and more to the point very confident. Initially he didn’t give me the job. He gave it to someone else. I phoned him back and said I was really keen to do it and would he take me on? He did, so I worked alongside this other guy.
“I really enjoyed it. When I went round that first time he explained to me there would be sex involved plus keeping the flat clean, making food, ironing clothes. I wasn’t great at the food at the time. That was my weakness. But you get better. At the end of the first week I’d had sex with him several times.
Then he had a friend round, then other friends round, and I was having sex with them as well. I’d gone from one extreme to the other in a very short space of time. But we’d done some drugs and it lowered my inhibitions and I was off. I thought it was the most fantastic time. I knew he’d take care of me, look after me and that he was a guy worth working for.”
“THERE’S A BIG DOWN SIDE TO ALL THIS. IF PEOPLE HEAR YOU’VE GOT A BIG COCK, THERE’S AN EXPECTATION OF YOU. YOU HAVE TO PERFORM.”
During the nine months he spent as a houseboy, Jack realised he had a big cock and his shyness evaporated. “The bottom line is I enjoy sex and if you’re gonna have sex you’re gonna have to get your kit off. So you’ve just got to get on with it. Plus it’s quite nice for your ego if you drop your trousers and someone says, ‘Fantastic!’. So, yeah, I was conscious after a few months as a houseboy that I was well endowed and that there were guys who wanted to have sex with me because of my size.”
His days as a houseboy are long gone. But Jack is still on the sex party circuit. “On the occasions now when I get my kit off I’m aware I’m going to look quite good. I enjoy getting my kit off because I know I’m going to have sex and that’s enjoyable.” But there are drawbacks. A big cock is useless for oral.
“A lot of guys just choke on me.” And there’s worse. “There’s a big down side to all this. If people hear you’ve got a big cock, there’s an expectation of you. You have to perform. Viagra came along and that does help. But sometimes even with Viagra I cannot get hard if the atmosphere’s not right. And if people are coming along to see you and they want you to perform there’s a real expectation of you to deliver and you can’t always do it. The pressure intimidates you.”
Jack’s overall opinion of having a big cock? This might surprise you. “If it meant that, every time I went to have sex, I could get a hard-on, I’d trade length for reliability.” And get this. Jack isn’t that bothered about his partner having a big cock. “It doesn’t matter hugely,” he confirms. “I like looking at arses more than cocks to be honest. And even faces.”
