By Pete Richards

    Swedes are renowned for many reasons: being tall, blonde, beautiful, and most of all, for being sexually liberated (for the purposes of today’s lesson we will ignore pickled fish).

    Although I am not one to espouse simple stereotypes, sometimes these are just too good to not be true (and too good to not share). In the spirit of ‘sharing is caring’ my boyfriend and I took ourselves away for a good old-fashioned sun soaking, determined to enjoy a foray into ‘some-fun’ (i.e. threesome, foursome, moresome… etc).

    We whiled away the days on the beach absorbing the feel good factor of the vitamin D enriched sunshine (and ignoring the factor 40). At night we headed out, coated in after-sun and after-shave. On one such cocoa-butter-meets-cologne night, we noticed a pair of blondes positioned prominently at the front of a bar, perfectly placed to draw in the lascivious crowds.

    Falling for this unsubtle technique we made our way inside and were swiftly sat next to our fairer counterparts. Trying to look alluring and seductive whilst gulping down several lime-green drinks (complete with cardboard parrot and sparkler) is no easy task, but we did our best.

    I leaned forward to nibble on my boyfriend Jeff’s ear whilst making eyes over his shoulder – we thought that was a pretty obtuse signal to this increasingly interested pair. A perfectly timed trip to the toilet also meant we swapped seats so he in turn could do the same, kissing my neck and breathing softly on my warm flesh, smiling at our neighbours as he ran his tongue down my steaming skin.

    Believing this to be enough of a ‘subtle’ hint we paid for our drinks and moved on. A furtive glance backward confirmed that our enticed pair had picked up on our hints (and now our trail). Buzzing from the artificial colourings in our drinks we confidently headed for our hotel, occasionally peering backwards and smiling, confirming we were being followed.

    Arriving at the hotel we walked in nonchalantly, nodding at the concierge to mask the fact that we were smuggling in some sexy Swedish contraband. We made our way to our room, giggling like naughty school girls as our trailing two-some dropped out of sight. Hovering outside of our room we could hear them on the stairs – they’d made it in! Easing open the door and leaving it ajar we stood rigid (all over) with anticipation.


    We nervously smiled at each other as we could see their shadows under the door. Pausing outside we could hear them muttering softly and turning the doorknob like sexual serial killers. Although this pair were very sexy, our lack of real communication made me suddenly worry they’d have the personality of a comatose amoeba! Or perhaps they would service us no better than a microwaved Fleshjack (they’re warmer that way).

    Or maybe they were debating who would get who first? We’d already decided: I would get the taller one, then we would swap, then we would play together as we left them to each other’s (de)vices.

    Slowly pushing open the door they popped their heads in. Reminding me of some randy Enid Blyton characters – I imagined this groomed and preppy pair: Bill and Fred, exploring the old mill and finding some buried pirate treasure (when all they really wanted was a secret place to mutually masturbate).

    Smiling nervously they entered the room and closed the door behind them. Deciding small talk may ruin the mood (and the illusion) I moved forward, my boyfriend’s hand in mine and kissed the taller one closest to us. Placing Jeff’s hand on the other, the four of us were soon making out against the closed door. As my hands slid lower to raise my guy’s leg up and over my thigh there was a loud bang on the door!

    All four of us froze, our eyes wide and ears pricked like gay meerkats. Poised, none of us moving a muscle, we listened carefully. Slowly creeping away from the door we started to question if we were simply hearing things. Just as we were about to sigh with relief there were four bangs on the door followed by those dreaded words (not ‘I’ll huff and I’ll puff’ but…)

    ‘Hotel manager, open the door!’


    With any sexiness flying out the window we all darted around like delirious drag queens in a silent movie. Pulling ourselves together after a third set of bangs my boyfriend and I herded our burgled blondes into the bathroom. Hoisting one in the shower, the other into the bathtub, we zipped closed the curtains and sprang back into the room.

    Even before the big bad wolf banged on the door we knew he’d be looking for our smuggled Scandinavians. We were pretty sure the hotel staff could spot an orgy in the making. Perhaps it was our look of self-congratulation and trepidation – or simply four semi-erections in jeans, one after the other, in the wee hours of the morning.

    Having stashed our Swedes in the shower Jeff opened the door as I strategically peeled off my shirt next to the bed. Standing there, hands on hips, our middle aged, middleweight, middle manager seemed fully perturbed by having to bang on our door at nearly 2am. Before he could remember the English he had learnt Jeff broke the awkward silence.

    ‘Sorry, can we help you?’

    Still, he mumbled, trying to find the right words, and slowly regaining his temper. I decided to walk over, undoing my belt. Looking innocent and unassuming (but ensuring I made eye contact with him) I whipped off my belt. I was convinced that any suggestion of a sexual advance would scare our suddenly mute intruder. Arriving at the door, leaning on my boyfriend I also asked:

    ‘Is everything ok? We just got in. Is something wrong?’

    ‘People here with you,’ finally he found his words. Despite delivering this as a statement his raised inflection at the end suggested he wanted this to come across as a question. We both looked blankly at him, employing all of our lying techniques we once perfected on our parents when sneaking out to meet secret lovers, known in code as ‘friends from school.’

    Turning back to the manager, almost scoffing in feigned disbelief (and throwing in a frown) I retorted:

    ‘Sorry, who’s here? We’re a double room. For me and my…’ I paused to try and make him feel awkward ‘…boyfriend.’ Unperturbed he mumbled something about no guests in the hotel (which I thought was a hilariously unfortunate and oxymoronic choice of words) but before I could formulate a cheeky comeback he blurted:

    ‘Ok, I come in. Yes?’ He slipped past us, shuffling side to side trying to decide who he would turn his back to in order to squeeze past. Delving into the room, checking the balcony and under the bed, I noticed we’d left the bathroom door open.

    Popping his head in we held our breath and waited for him to discover Bjorn and Sven (okay, so we still didn’t know their names). Peeking into the bathroom our eyes widened, his hand reached up to the shower. As his fingers tickled the edges of the curtain two people walked passed laughing loudly.

    Suddenly distracted he turned towards us and, without missing a sped-up heartbeat, he shot out the door after what he thought were our Swedes. He zigzagged down the hallway like an overeager puritanical Labrador after a crucifix shaped twig. Having a second thought he turned, clicked his heels together and spat out a simple ‘Sorry.’

    Unperturbed and thoroughly relieved we closed the door. Exhaling a sigh of relief we parted the curtain to reveal our successfully stashed treasure. With big white grins and just one or two beads of sweat we stood in the bathroom and laughed uncontrollably.

    Helping them out and swapping intros we led Eric and John (still quite typical) to the bedroom. In a four-way mess of flying clothes and exposed skin we were hastily naked, standing fully erect next to our crisp white bed. The sheets were perfectly tucked in and gave off a fresh clean smell as I whipped back the silken cover.

    Lined up next to our virgin mattress I could feel Jeff’s high arse cheeks touching mine. Our cocks sparring with our new friends’ we all continued to rub on each other. The cock-fencing continued with a complete set of soft pink foreskins. As the frottage continued I reached down to squeeze Eric’s pulsing cock, pulling back his smooth skin and running my fingers over his soft, fuzzy balls.


    Tickling his silky scrotum he reached down and forced my hand between his thighs towards his warm hole. Running my middle finger down his smooth crack it rested on his expectant hole – I couldn’t wait to fuck him! As though Jeff had reached a simultaneous frenzy he pushed John down on the fresh sheets, hoisting his legs over his shoulders in one fluid motion.

    Keeping up with my slick boyfriend (and never one to be outdone) I spun Eric around, and bent him over the bed. Complying eagerly he knelt on the springy cotton cloud and curved his back, his arched arse dangerously tantalising. Peeking back at me and grinning I dropped to my knees and buried my tongue in his hairless crevice.

    Lapping at his achingly tight arse and noticing Jeff’s cock poised before John’s hole I grabbed the lube from the bedside drawer. Reaching into our case under the bed I retrieved two condoms from the internet-ordered stockpile (why can you never find large condoms in your local supermarket?)

    Slowly squeezing the condom over my swollen shaft I leaned in to kiss Jeff as he sheathed his. Reaching down I wiped the excess lube from my cock onto his and could feel the growing excitement. Refocusing on Eric I spread his legs firmly, slipped my cock down his crack and pressed my bulbous head against his tight pink hole.

    Pressing harder and slowly slipping inside him I paused to check he was okay. Waiting for a moan, sigh or gasp I received no feedback – good or bad. Happy to pull out and let his tight hole relax I paused before sliding in further. Still, not a sound. I waited, dying to give him the rest of my hard cock.

    Hovering there in suspended anal animation, I decided to penetrate further. I slid the rest of my throbbing cock inside him – still, silence! I could feel his tight hole stretched like a thick elastic band massaging my eager tool. I could tell he could feel my cock inside him, his hole was tight, not loose or accommodating.

    He definitely was not a man-whore or fan of fisting, his arse lips were tight and pert, not sagging like a bum bin-liner. Pushing my whole cock inside him, and determined to make him squeal, I grabbed his small, smooth hips and pulled him into me. At the same time I forced my cock deeper, feeling his fuck canal giving way deeper inside.

    Normally this would make most guys tighten and retreat as I went ‘too deep’ but still Eric was silently passive. With my cock as deep as I could go, I stood there scratching my head like a confused and horny chimp. He seemed to be enjoying himself – he turned around and smiled at me but I wanted more. Usually I get a good amount of moans and groans?

    Desperate for some form of reassurance I looked to Jeff who was busily pumping away on John with what seemed like a similar issue. He thrust in and out, in and out, fast and smooth, John’s eyes lolling in his head, his mouth hung open, but no noise escaping him. Ignoring my need for porn-esque vocals, I decided to use Eric’s hole for my own pleasure. After all, silence is agreement (isn’t it?)

    Going to town on his sweet, tight arse I ploughed it hard and deep. Bouncing off his smooth high butt cheeks, I wondered if I could make some money as a condom tester and really put this latex to work! Feeling like a change of position I lay him down, still managing to stay inside. Tucked in behind him I could see my boyfriend doing the same to John.

    Fucking Eric again I grabbed the back of his head, pulling him in towards me. Releasing him, and catching John’s eye I pressed Eric forward to kiss him. Immediately the two flinched and recoiled, Eric’s hole spasmed and squeezed me out. Both boys sat up and looked uncomfortable.

    They shared a nervous giggle as they looked away from each other. Even more confused than by their mute mating technique, I had to ask as I could see Jeff was equally befuddled.

    ‘Sorry guys, is something wrong?’


    ‘Yeah, um, don’t freak out but…’ in my twisted little mind the first thought was they were about to tell us they used to be girls, I don’t know why as I’d definitely felt some all-natural vs. Man-made cock. Other thoughts buzzed through my brain, each more random than the last.

    Some involved the circus, mafia and even a worry that they had rigged our room with spy-cams (okay, so I’d buy that DVD). Before I got what I thought was too carried away John added:

    ‘We’re cousins.’

    Now this presented us with two options: a) be grossed out, feign disgust and throw them out; or b) be honest with our unconventionality and do them extra hard. Turned on by the kinkiness I also understood now why they may not have wanted to stick their similarly-genetic tongues down each others’ throats.

    My ego was also massaged as I reasoned their silence was not a reflection of our technique but rather that they didn’t want to scream with pleasure in each others’ ears.

    ‘Um, ok. Is that weird for you? Cos it’s not really for us’

    ‘Yeah, you’re not going to have three-legged babies anyway are you?’

    We all laughed but snapped back into seductive mode, reaching out for a new partner. My boyfriend and I shared a long kiss between us, and could see Eric and John watching and flirting with each other but neither making any moves. Pulling John back towards me I slid inside him as my boyfriend inserted himself into Eric.

    Slowly again at first, but still receiving no verbal response, I gave him the rest in one hard thrust. Finally getting a good deep moan I continued fucking him, hard and hungry for more noise. Relishing John’s moan and looking across the bed at Jeff I mouthed silently to him over John’s shoulder:


    Grinning mischievously, he picked up the pace. Placing his hands on Eric’s shoulders Jeff pulled him on to his rock hard cock. Reciprocating I fucked John’s hole, loosened by my boyfriend’s cock and eagerly accommodating. As we began to fuck in time with each other I reached around to wank John.

    I could feel him getting closer as his cock stiffened even more. Although I could feel his building pleasure I was not going to let him cum. I wasn’t satisfied until I’d got a good amount of moaning (or at least heavy breathing) out of him. Equally, I still had a naughty need to toy with this soon-to-be-incestuous pair.

    Withdrawing my shaft fully and sliding it all in, John groaned loudly and then smiled and blushed, almost embarrassed. I saw Eric’s face as he heard John’s pleasure and could tell he wanted more. Withdrawing again and ramming it back in, John groaned even more. Again and again I was working him into a frenzy and could see Eric’s own anal pleasure building from Jeff’s persistent and unfaltering cock.

    Pushing my luck again, and fulfilling one of my kinkier fantasies, I pushed John’s head towards Eric. Leaving his head there, rather than forcing a kiss I slid back to allow my hips to reach under John’s arse and push my cock deeper. Opening his eyes and immediately catching Eric’s I almost felt myself climax when he grabbed his face and kissed him.

    Jeff and I continued to thrust as these two breathed heavily on each others’ sweating faces. Employing my withdrawal and thrusting technique again I finally got the uninhibited moan from John that I had craved. I persisted and really worked his hole until I could feel his prostate spasm with the need for release. Eric watched his face with wonderment as I felt John’s warm load flowing over my fingers.

    As he continued to orgasm I could see Eric too releasing his inhibitions. Still a bit shy he politely requested if my boyfriend and I would cum on his face. Darting his eyes over to John, for disapproval or coy support, all he received was another sloppy kiss and a flawless smile.

    Siding over to our other relaxed and soon-to-be-satiated Swede I stroked my cock and kissed my boyfriend as we both sprayed a thick load over Eric’s face and across the pillow. Reaching up he pulled us together and licked the last pearls of cum from our cocks, furiously wanking and blowing his load over his tanned six-pack.

    Flopping back into the bed, wiping Eric off, we swapped partners again. This time I got my boyfriend back as we lay next to a new pair in the making – cousins spooning on significantly less virginal sheets.