I’m guessing nearly everyone reading this has at least some experience of online dating. Whether you’re 18, 80, or like me – somewhere in the middle, we’ve all looked for guys online. I remember back in the day when it was all about Out in the UK and Gay.com until I discovered the then holy grail –Gaydar! Fast-forward a couple of decades and we now have the likes of Grindr and Scruff -and with it 100s of guys- in the palms of our hands. Many of us find hooking up with a guy the easy part, although hooking up with the right guy is often a different story entirely. Here are a few rules that I try and abide by
Have a positive profile
For me, a big turn off is reading about what a guy doesn’t like. Yeah, we all know there are plenty of time wasters online, but it should be inherent that we’re not actually seeking them, so there’s no need to advertise the fact! Say something that you do want and/or something that you do like. Maybe even casually drop a mention of something you’re into (and I’m not just talking sexually!). It’s a great conversation starter if another guy finds some common ground and vice versa.
Don’t restrict yourself to types
While most of us have “types” (whether it’s bears, chavs, thinks, older guys, or whatever), I’ve met some of the most fascinating people outside of my particular preferences. Types can be great if it’s just about sex. If you’re open to more however, then it might be wise to expand your criteria. Similarly, don’t rule a guy out because he states he is top or bottom. Nothing is often set in stone… for either of you!
Avoid talking about the ex
This is one area where I fail at time after time again. It’s not fun repeatedly hearing about a guys ex. Coming up once or twice in conversation from time-to-time is fine; every other sentence is not! On a related note, don’t judge him on his sexual past. Most of us have one and we can’t change whatever happened in the past. Day one is date one.
If you like the look of a guy you see online, then message him first! Don’t wait for him to message you. So many people delete their profiles all the time for various reasons, so don’t risk him deleting his profile before you get a chance to approach him. What’s the worst that could happen?
Learn how to handle rejection
Rejection is often a horrible experience but it happens. The older we get, the more likely this is to happen. Sadly, I know this all to well! Moving on isn’t always easy but the old saying of “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” still rings true! If you are rejecting a guy, then similarly act courteous. A simple “sorry, you’re not my type” or something similar will often suffice.
Have realistic expectations
Whether you want to marry and live happily ever after or just after a quickie in the alleyway next to Tesco, then have realistic expectations. You don’t really know how it’s going to work out, so be patient and be open. Don’t get upset if things don’t go your way, but go with the flow (if you feel comfortable in doing so) if things are moving along at a certain pace.
Whether you intend on having sex or not, always come prepared. Bring a condom if that’s your thing, and remember some gay anal lube if you’re going all the way. You never know what might pop up, literally, so prepare for an all case scenario!
Tell someone that you’re meeting a guy
This is an important part. Always tell a close friend who you’re meeting, where you’re meeting, and when you’re meeting. Having an electronic trail of a guy always helps just in-case there’s a worst case scenario. Try and procure a few personal details (name, recent photo, address, job, etc) and rely on your gut instinct. If you feel unsafe or unsure, then act on this.
You only live once (or at least what we know of) so try and enjoy yourself! Even if you feel old or unattractive, remember that this is what you feel and not every other guy. While saying there’s someone for everyone sounds horribly cliched, it rings true in most cases, so try and enjoy!
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