I find that a lot of the sex toys I review are quite pricey and I appreciate that times are hard and not everyone has as much available cash as they’d like. So, for this month’s review, I wanted to focus on a very affordable toy. And by very affordable, I mean £6.99. In comparison to my review last month for a toy that was pushing £200. Sorry about that – but it’s a brilliant toy.
The TENGA EGG has (in my opinion) been a staple boy’s toy for a decade. And yet not many people know about them. When I used to work back in sex shops, people would always see these eggs on the side and assume it was a lube dispenser or some sort of love egg… but no, they are wanking toys.
Designed in Japan by the people behind TENGA, the eggs are made of an elastomer ‘jelly’ hollow sleeve with an internal texture which matches the pattern on the outside of the egg. In this case it’s the designs of iconic pop artist Keith Haring – making them as aesthetically pleasing as they are pleasurable. TENGA Collaborated with the Keith Haring foundation and donate a portion of all sales to his charitable fund; which provide educational opportunities to underprivileged children in regards to AIDS and HIV infection.
Getting down to business is relatively simple with this toy, as you simply peel of the outer label (which is painful considering how pretty it is) and opening up the plastic case to reveal the jelly-egg and free lube sachet. It’s like a Kinder Surprise for those that love to wank. Nice, eh? The idea of the egg seems simple and perhaps a little bit underwhelming but this change when you first use it.
TENGA’s provided lube is a gloopy and stringy lube which I’m not a huge fan of personally – as I find the residue is a little hard to get rid of. If you have a lot of pubic hair, then perhaps avoid this unless you’re planning on showering after your posh wank. I just use my SPIT to Reactivate lube as it’s my current favourite lube; although this is bound to change as I change my mind every month or so. Anyway, I degrees.
Turn the sleeve upside down and pour your lube of choice into the hole at the bottom. Once you’re satisfied with the amount of lube you’ve inserted; give the sleeve a few squeezes to disperse it evenly throughout the internal shape, and your egg is now ready. That sounds creepy. The next part is quite simple, simply push your dick through the hole whilst gripping the outside of the egg. The jelly-like material will instantly stretch down your dick shaft, and you’ll feel the tingly internal texture rubbing against all those good bits on the outside of your dick.
If you’re familiar with Keith Haring’s designs, you’ll know that they are very intricate and squiggly, and these are the shapes that are there to satisfy you. Pulling it down the first couple of strokes is instantly gratifying – so if you’re someone that cums quite easily then I advise taking it slow.
Don’t go straight into porno wank… give it a squeeze and glide down your shaft.
The process is really quite simple – you masturbate with the sleeve whilst taking advantage of the texture. I know it sounds a little boring but I can assure you that it feels incredible. Don’t do a simple wank, make sure you’re twisting and grinding your palm to get that texture twisting around you. It’s very hard to get bored of the sensations from a TENGA Egg but I do advise to keep spinning it and grinding it in as many ways as you can. They’re durable little pieces of posh-wank-gear, so don’t be scared to get a little rough with them. They’re also generously sized, so if you’re often put off by masturbation sleeves due to the thickness of your shaft – then the TENGA Egg will satisfy your urges.
Cumming to orgasm is SO simple. It basically is just boosting your normal wank session so there’s no particular movement’s or motion to indulge in. Just enjoy yourself. When you’re getting close, I advise gripping the sleeve so it’s cups on your head and squeeze it firmly there with your focus on the frenulum area – you’ll see what I mean and thank me later. Trust.
Clean-up is really simple. Don’t let the texture put you off, simply turn the egg inside our and run it under water to get all of the lube and cum out. Then spray a toy cleaning spay on it and run under warm water a few times. If you don’t have toy spray, use a gentle unscented soap. Leave inside out to dry.
If you have any questions about the Tenga EGG’s or anything related, tweet me using @HelloIAmTopher and remember to use ‘TOPHER’ online for 10% OFF. PRICE: £6.99
Available at www.clonezone.co.uk & in-store.